Feeling The Burn.....

Having grown up with a figure that Posh Spice and Skeletor would kill for; I have never felt the need to jump on the fad diet bandwagon (although I did have to be rather careful during severe gusts of wind and whilst walking over cattle grids)! Those were the days, thinking I could stuff myself until the ends of time with Sara Lee frozen chocolate gateaux and RingPops. But our crazy youthful decisions always come back to haunt us and as time has crept steadily onwards, I’ve been growing steadily outwards.

Summer and Streisand once said, "Enough is Enough", and taking their harmonius advice, a friend and I ceremoniously dumped our Sara Lees, spent a fortune in Lillywhites and joined the local gym. Now this all seemed great at first, a real honeymoon period for us all but after a few bad episodes involving a yoga teacher who was clearly basing her classes on Victoria Wood basing a sketch on a Hippy Commune pretending to be trees - we, like 80% of people who join Gyms, stopped attending. We didn’t call, we didn’t write and we certainly did not "Poke" the gym. Our beautiful relationship was over. It was dead to us... (Well I should say dead to me really, my friend did allegedly continue in the mornings but since I wouldn’t get out of bed before 8.30, I really have no proof).

During my period of relative inactivity, (unless you count paying for the gym as similar to going to the gym...) my neighbour invited me to try her PowerPlate. Now these machines are essentially a vibrating platform, originally designed to stop astronaut’s muscle mass wasting away whilst in space. However, after three organ-dislodging, eye shaking and headache inducing minutes I confirm I shall not be exploring space or indeed the PowerPlate section of the gym any time soon. This is something I will not be attempting again until there is a Sancerre holder attached to avoid accidental spillage and or electrocution. Meanwhile my neighbour is happily bouncing pennies of her stomach and is discovering that her old clothes fit better than ever.

Like the rest of the nation, January saw the return of us, to the gym and although we are only 2 months in to the New Year, I am loving it!! The great news is in just 2 months’ time a brand new exercise plan will be sweeping the county, hot from the US. "Booooorrrring" I hear you say, but no. You have never been so wrong (I have but that another story and I'm conscious that I’ve taken a lot of your time already..!)

http://www.willpowermethod.com/

For the past 11 Years Willpower and Grace Training has been taking the USA by storm and is a fantastic fusion of postures (a la Yoga and mat work Pilates) with a barefoot cardio workout. Speaking of barefoot last week I had quite an embarrassing gym kit incident (don’t worry this isn’t a "do it in your vest and pants" story.....) So I'm all changed for Pilates and having a good root* around in my bag for my second trainer.
* For the benefit of my Australian readers please replace the word "Root" with "Look" as I promise I was most certainly "looking" in my bag and not doing anything potentially illegal in a public place).
Unfortunately, it appears that my Nemesis has been hard at work once more. Taking time out from her "sinister plan to foil Gotham City" Twiglet seems to have rooted (yes she may have, either way...) through my bag and ran off with my shoe (possibly using it for her Body Pump/Body Attack Class with Charlie).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvEOjDeLWkA

So I'm left like an Edwardian prize fighter to walk from the changing room to the studio in my Italian Leather work shoes. Now not having a camera at that exact moment was a real shame, as my friend will testify. However as she enjoyed it so much I have re-created my gym look for that day with the help of a passing chicken.

Ok? Finished sniggering? Back to Wp&G then, so what’s the best part? Well our American cousins have dubbed this Will & Grace Training so COUNT ME IN!! As this is not set to hit our studio until April 2011, I have taken the liberty of preparing a mock-up of how the class will no doubt look....

So, if like me, you have had too many cakes, or been a little bit overindulgent licking the bowl (you know who you are...) then you are quite welcome to join me - just make sure you have appropriate footwear!

And now it’s onto the next...........I’m afraid my dears there can be no rest for the decadently wicked x

Sleepless (4781.61 miles Out Of) Seattle

Now I don't remember a great deal about the movie (in fact so much brain killing booze has passed my lips since 1993* that I cant remember if I have even seen it all the way through) but I'm pretty sure that Meg Ryan wasn't stamping around her office barking at everyone who says good morning. Now THAT is just one of the differences between me and Meg this week....



(*I should point out, mainly for any mothers in the audience today, that I wasn't actually drinking in 1993....)

I adore sleep, its completely marvelous and entirely decadent, especially if you don't have children and can snooze as long as you want without having to get up and put CBeebies on. Unfortunately for me an uninterrupted sleep is a thing of what feels like the very distant past - in fact the idea is practically prehistoric (although if I am being uncharacteristically free from exaggeration I probably should just say..the week before Christmas 2010).
After seeing many movies and shows alerting me to the dangers of inviting guests into your home, think True Blood, Twilight, Supernatural, Let the Right One In.....and on and on....it appears that I have been tricked (and not for the first time) by the naughty (and potentially maleficent) masquerading as the cute and charming.
Although the following picture of my new nemesis shows her in an adorably sassy mood , I do implore you not to be taken in. She can be rather like Gizmo so I suggest that no-one feeds her after midnight and for goodness sake don't get her wet....



Kittens (and mine in particular) are known to be playful, that's fine, I understand. Its all part of the fun but tell me this - how would you feel waking up almost every hour on the hour and being confronted with Twiglets alter ego? Its terrifying I assure you............



Ok Ok so she is not as scary as a camp 70's villain, Ka-Pow, BAM! etc...in fact she can (at times) be the sweetest thing on Earth (even if she does smell of Marmite...) But I did warn you, I'm moody through sleep deprivation!!

So whilst I have been cranky and moments away from dribbling onto my keyboard I heard about someone else with their own brand of sleep anomaly! I was asked to prepare a cake for someones 50th as a cheeky snapshot of her life. It appears that this lady is so exhausted from teaching little ones at school all day that invariably come 9pm (regardless of guests) she can be found, sound asleep on the sofa. I tried to stick with relaxing blues and neutral colours with this design in an attempt to relax myself and also to bring the focal point to Bec drifting off in her evening gown having kicked off her Louboutins for the day. For those interested in such things the Louboutins are a nod to a cake I made for her family member last year.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/43980311@N02/4042712223/in/set-72157622660360658/



So spare a thought for those of us desperately counting sheep or merely cowering under the covers as a savage Twiglet beats you across the head (and most likely formulates a terrible and heart stopping plan to bring down Batman and all residents of Gotham City).

And please do not even get me started on the ghosts that live in my wall, I have not been so scared since Mr Pipes revealed himself in 1992 and Sarah Greene ended up trapped in the cupboard under the stairs!



And now it’s onto the next.....I’m afraid my dears there can be no SLEEP for the decadently wicked x